Foolproof Guide to Choosing Classes

You may have really had your life together during preregistration, but now that you’re back on campus everything is different and you’re doubting your choices. Here’s what I’ve learned this shopping week about how to choose classes:

Step 1: Look through all of the courses listed in the Tri-Co course guide and click on every single class that interests you remotely

Step 2: When you have 235 tabs open, click through them wildly, realizing that you will need to get four bachelor’s degrees in order to accommodate all the classes you wish you could take

Step 3: Panic about having too many options and immediately eliminate anything before noon or that meets on a Friday

Step 4: Realize that you still have 142 options

Step 5: Cry

Step 6: Shop 100 classes, realize that at least one of these classes is the Most Interesting Class Ever and is taught by the #1 Rockstar Professor of Your Dreams and that you absolutely need to take it. Unfortunately, you are not alone and the class is so packed there are students sitting on the floor

Step 7: Keep going to that class until the #1 Rockstar Professor of Your Dreams gets tired of asking you to leave. Keep in mind that when a professor says that you absolutely cannot take a class, what they really mean is “Unless you cry.”

Step 8: Choose the rest of your classes by putting all the syllabi you’ve collected in a big bag and selecting a lucky-looking frosh to pull three of them out at random


Congratulations! This is going to be a great semester for you.

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